An “I-Message” is a way for students to communicate their feelings. It can be simpler or more complex depending on the age and developmental level of the child. Using “I-Messages” can be used to solve conflicts in a calm manner. There are many benefits when communicating with “I-Messages”:
- Establishing Healthy Boundaries: Healthy boundaries mean that I own my own thoughts and feelings. Other people do not control my thoughts and feelings and I don’t control the thoughts and feelings of others. This is important for children to discover.
- Improving Communication and Conflict Resolution: Using “I-Messages” keeps the person you are communicating with from being on the defense. You will be better at resolving conflict using “I-Messages” rather than stating, “You did this” and “You did that!”
- Useful for all ages and communication levels: You can use this communication technique with anyone and any age. Practicing using them at home, will set a healthy example for your children. Example:
- “I feel sad when your belongings are not organized for school in the morning because it makes our entire family late for school. I would like that our family arrives to school on time each day and you can help us make that happen”.
- “I feel proud of you when you keep your room organized because it really helps me around the house. Thank you. I would like you to keep up the good work!”
“I-Messages” can be organized in the following manner:
I feel _______________ when_____________ (State the reason that you feel this way or what happened that led you to those feelings)
Because____________ (Try to identify the reason the person’s actions led you to those feelings)
I would like __________________ (Let the person know what you would like instead)
Encourage your child to use these messages at home with you or their siblings. As children have more practice using these, they feel very confident completing the message as soon as they are started off with the phrase “I feel”. Give it a try and see where the “I-Messages” take you.
The ES Counseling Team